The Challenge of Forgiveness

The Challenge of Forgiving is to make it unconditional and unlimited

The Struggle We All Face

For most of us, forgiving others is not an art; it’s a struggle. The complications come from a common problem – we never know IF the person we want to forgive is actually worthy of our forgiveness. It’s always easier to forgive the person who’s admitted their guilt versus those who haven’t yet accepted theirs. This universal struggle with forgiveness reveals a deeper truth about human nature: we want to measure worthiness before extending grace. Yet this approach contradicts the very foundation of the forgiveness we ourselves have received from God. The Bible proves, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that we are not worthy of the grace and forgiveness God extends to us, yet He does so because He loves us and understands our struggles.

Peter’s Question: How Many Times?

In Matthew 18, Peter approached Jesus with a question that likely resonated from personal experience: “Lord, if my friend does wrong things against me many times, how many times should I forgive him?” (Verse 21 EASY) We don’t know what prompted Peter to ask this question, but it seems he had an immediate afterthought, so he added, “Must I forgive him as many as seven times for the wrong things that he has done against me?” Peter places the emphasis again on the “wrong things…done against me.” Although his question appears focused on forgiveness, Peter is clearly weighing out the worthiness of his friend.

Why did Peter then focus on forgiveness? Several possibilities emerge: Was he just trying to impress Jesus with his generosity? Or, did he feel guilty because he was struggling with the task of forgiving someone who was especially difficult to forgive? Perhaps that’s why Peter felt the need to suggest forgiving this person “as many as seven times.”

We can all relate to Peter’s struggle. We’ve all had people who just get under our skin, are difficult to love, and constantly drive us crazy. The question becomes: What are we to do?

Jesus’ Radical Response: Seventy-Seven Times

Jesus has an answer to Peter’s question, yet it is not one that provides immediate comfort. He says, “I do not say only seven times. I say you should forgive him 77 times!” (Verse 22 EASY) Jesus’ answer seems outrageous at first hearing. Is He kidding? Why would He suggest extending our forgiveness to such extremes – especially to someone who may not want our forgiveness, or to whom we deem unworthy?

The number 77 is not meant to be a literal counting exercise but rather represents unlimited, boundless forgiveness. Jesus is challenging Peter – and us – to move beyond keeping score of offenses and instead adopt a posture of continual grace. This radical teaching turns our natural instincts upside down, calling us to a higher standard that reflects God’s own character.

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

To illustrate His point, Jesus follows Peter’s question by telling a powerful parable about forgiveness. One servant is forgiven a huge debt by a king, but he then turns around and puts another servant in prison who just owes him a small debt. When the king learns of how his ungrateful servant acted, he is furious and confronts him.

The king’s words cut to the heart of the matter: “You are a very bad person. I forgave you the whole of your big debt to me. I did this because you asked me very strongly. I was kind to you. You should have been kind to that other servant in the same way.” Verse 32 EASY)

Because that first servant failed to “pay it forward” and show forgiveness to the one who owed him, the king decided to apply the same rule of judgment that servant applied to his debtor – so he sent him to prison. The contrast in the parable is stark: a massive debt forgiven versus a tiny debt refused. This dramatic difference highlights the absurdity of receiving great mercy from God while withholding even a small amount of grace to others.

The Lesson: God Mirrors Our Standard

What’s the lesson Jesus wants us to learn? He concluded by saying, “You must forgive your friends completely. If you do not agree to forgive them, then my Father in heaven will do like that king did. He will not forgive you.” (Verse 35 EASY) THIS is how the posture of continual grace works! Remember, grace is unmerited, unconditional forgiveness.

Some people misinterpret this lesson, thinking it teaches that God can change His mind about our punishment. That is definitely not the case. Remember, the lesson is about forgiveness, not judgment or punishment. Jesus specifically points this out when He says: “If YOU do not agree to forgive them, then my Father in heaven will do like that king did. He will not forgive YOU.”

Understanding the Principle of Reciprocal Forgiveness

This is the key part of the lesson Jesus is teaching. The standard by which forgiveness flows is determined by YOU. And, when forgiveness fails to flow, it is usually because judgment has blocked it. In Matthew 7, Jesus said, “…for God will judge you in the same way you judge others, and he will apply to you the same rules you apply to others.”  (Matthew 7:2 GNT) The lesson here is to realize that we are never called to be a judge. No matter what we think we know, God knows more! When we step in and allow forgiveness to be overruled by judgment, we assume a role only God has the right to do. God gives us grace and grants forgiveness even when we don’t deserve it. But if we don’t forgive others, God will follow the standard set by us. THAT is why Jesus says we “should forgive him 77 times!” God is always ready to forgive us, but He mirrors how we forgive others.

Living Out Forgiveness: Ephesians 4:32

When we are truly thankful for the mercy God has shown us, we will pass it on to others. Our horizontal relationships with people are directly tied to our vertical relationship with God. This connection is beautifully captured in Ephesians 4:32 (NCV), which instructs us: “Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you in Christ.” This verse provides the practical framework for living out Jesus’ teaching. We are called to be kind – actively showing goodness to others. We are to be tenderhearted – maintaining soft, compassionate hearts rather than hardened, bitter ones. And we are to forgive one another, but not in our own strength or by our own standard. Rather, we forgive “just as God forgave you in Christ” by following the pattern of forgiveness we have already received through Christ. Thank you, God/Jesus, for forgiving me!

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