What makes a Marriage Work?

Note: This blog marks the end of my “Discovery Series.” 

The “broken” pendant symbolizes that the two halves are not complete without the other

 Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

If over 50% of marriages fail, what are we missing? In my last blog, I wrote about God’s love for us as expressed in the Old Testament. That love began in the Garden of Eden, and a few things occurred there that may surprise you! One of them was the first marriage.

The FULL Creation Story

Full disclosure: I interpret the Bible a lot more literally than most. Why? Because I believe that God is powerful enough to simply snap His fingers (if He has any) and instantly bring into existence all of the universe. So, to provide a litany where everything was created during the course of seven “days” is certainly within His grasp (Notice I put the word “days” in quotes as we don’t know how long a day was during this time where the sun, moon, stars, and the earth were being created). What I do notice is that God had something to say at the conclusion of most “days.”

• On Day 1: God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.⁴ God saw that the light was good.” (Genesis 1: 3-4 NIV)
• On Day 2: God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.”…  God called the vault “sky.” (Genesis 1: 6-8 NIV)
• On Day 3: God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” … And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1: 9-10 NIV)  Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” … And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1: 11-12 NIV)
• On Day 4: “God made two great lights—the greater light (the sun) to govern the day and the lesser light (the moon) to govern the night. He also made the stars.… And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1: 16-18 NIV) [Note: Until Day 4, there was no definition of a “day.”]
• On Day 5: “God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1: 21 NIV)
• On Day 6: “So God created humanity in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them… God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” (Genesis 1: 27-31 NIV)
• On Day 7: “By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.” (Genesis 2: 2 NIV)

On the sixth day, God made Adam and Eve in His own image, and He declared His work on that day to be “very good.” 

Why Adam and Eve are Special

In Genesis 1, God makes an amazing announcement: That, unlike all the rest of creation, Adam and Eve were made “in the image of God!” What, exactly, does that mean? To fully understand the answer to this question, we need to look at the answer in the context of the whole Bible. The Bible teaches that God made us to be His children. That, one day, we would rule with Him in heaven. It is also clear that before we could claim this inheritance, we’d have to “grow up” and learn what it means to be a “child of God.” This process would take centuries, yet it all started with Adam and Eve.

When God made Adam, it says that “the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life.” The word “formed” comes from the Hebrew word “yatsar” ((Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance Reference #3335: yatsar = to squeeze or to form into shape.)) which means “to squeeze or form into shape.” Thus, Adam was formed by God (“squeezed into shape”) from the dust of the earth and brought to life by the very breath of God—for no life can exist without God.

On the other hand, Eve came into being via a different route. In verse 18 of Chapter 2 of Genesis, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” What is interesting about this statement is that Adam had been made in the full image of God. Thus, as God is neither male nor female—Adam, in his original form, was without gender. So, if Adam was ever going to reproduce and fulfill God’s command as given in verse 28 of Chapter One (“Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.“), something was going to have to change. And that would explain God’s comment about it not being good for Adam to be “alone”—he needed someone he could build a family with. What followed is truly one of the most amazing miracles ever performed by God. He put Adam into a deep sleep and performed the world’s first surgery. It says, “while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man.” The word “made” comes from the Hebrew word “banah” which means to build or to fashion. ((Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance Reference #1129: banah = to build)) If we reflect on this meaning for a moment, I think things become very clear—God built (fashioned) Eve specifically for Adam, using a part of his own body as the building block. We know that Adam was pleased because, when he awoke from his sleep, he explained, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (verse 23).  In the miracle of creating Eve, God took the male part of His being and gave it to Adam, and He took the female part of His being and gave it to Eve. This one act made it possible for them to procreate. So, no surprise, immediately after Eve was made specifically for Adam, they were married. But, was this the only time God ever did this?

Why God’s Model of Marriage is Important

You may think that marriage is something society invented to formally unite a man and a woman but that thought is wrong. God invented marriage as a way to symbolically reunite the full image of God through two people in something we call “holy matrimony.” Genesis 2: 24 explains it this way: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” The “becoming one flesh” is symbolic of what happens when the man and the woman join together in holy matrimony: they reform the image of God! In Matthew, this union is further explained: “And God said, ‘So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body. ⁶ So there are not two, but one. God has joined the two together, so no one should separate them.” God takes marriage seriously! It was designed to involve one man and one woman for a reason. And services are conducted in a church and presided over by a minister  because it is viewed as a holy commitment by the couple to God and each other. In God’s model, the woman has been specifically “built,” “designed,” “fashioned” for the man to be joined together until death (“no one should separate them“) so they can engage with God to “be fruitful and multiply.” Remember, only God can create life and, in a holy marriage, He gives each couple the assignment to partner with Him in the creation of new lives. It is a sacred and special assignment. And that is why the term “marriage” is considered to be a unique designation reserved only for those called by God. Obviously, the world doesn’t always see things God’s way. There are people who unite and have children without having been blessed by God in a holy marriage. Their choice represents a worldly choice, not a Godly choice. People can ignore the design given them by God and God will decide the outcome, but the children are always innocent.

There are many blessings that come from a holy marriage, IF one believes in the ways of God. The model of Adam and Eve has wide-reaching implications:

• A Perfect Design!: For every man called into holy matrimony, there is a woman that God has fashioned exclusively for him (just like He did for Adam). If each believes this, and searches in faith for their match, they will find them. In Psalm 139, the author writes:

¹³ You made my whole being; you formed me in my mother’s body.
¹⁴ I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well.
¹⁵ You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother’s body. When I was put together there,
¹⁶ you saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old.

• A Lasting Match!:  When the two are united in holy matrimony, it is like finding and assembling the broken pendant shown above. Two people (created in God’s image) come together to re-assemble God’s image and become “one flesh” or “one body.” Once a  couple finds each other, they must truly believe that each was created by God exclusively for each other. Those who do are not likely to separate. They know that no one else in the world would ever satisfy them like the one to whom they are married.

Not Everyone is Called

This is the way God designed marriage. Not everyone will experience the joy of this blessing. It is only available to those who are called to it and, if called, respond to it in faith. How do you know? My wife and I taught a class at our church for almost ten years. It was designed to help those planning to get married to understand better what they were getting into. One question I’d ask at the beginning of the class was, “Look at the person you are planning to marry and tell me, what makes them more special than anyone else you’ve dated?” As expected, I got a range of answers. But, over time, I noticed that one answer was different. Those who said, “We don’t know. We just had a connection we could not explain. It was like we had known each other all our lives.” Those are the ones I knew were called. To those who are not called (or who ignore the call), can still find joy in being with the one they love.  God still loves them and blesses them with a different blessing according to the faith they place in Him. 

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