How are YOU climbing this Pyramid?
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May I ask You Some Questions?
- Are you happy with WHAT you have accomplished in your life?
- Are you satisfied with WHO you have become in the process of achieving the WHAT in your life?
- What is more important to you: The WHO or the WHAT?
These are serious questions! Have you ever Thought about them? Struggled with them? Or Changed the course of your life because of your answers? For many of us, there are only two times WHEN we think about these issues: (1) When we’re young and trying to find our way, and (2) when we’re old and it’s too late to change. IF there was EVER a time when you felt you had a choice, did you consider it a blessing, or did you let the opportunity pass because you weren’t ready or didn’t want to change? Sometimes, we feel that circumstances beyond our control force us to make decisions. Regardless of HOW you got to where you are today, I’m asking you to take a moment to wrestle with the answer to Question #3 and consider the WHY behind your answer.
Were you able to decide on an answer? How many of you chose the “WHO you have become” over the “WHAT you have accomplished?” For the moment, all I want to point out is this:
WHO you are will follow you for eternity. WHAT you accomplished won’t profit you after you die.
Some Theories on How We Make Decisions
Now, don’t get me wrong, humanity has (for centuries) been trying to understand the WHY behind what motivates our decisions. Although we have some insight into the basics, the “devil is in the details.” We are all driven individually along a path that is unique to us, but there are some drives common to us all. One psychologist, Abraham Maslow, proposed a pyramid of behavior that started with satisfying our basic needs (like food, water, air, sleep, and sex), and concluded with what he called the highest form of motivation – self-actualization (where we begin to understand who we are, why we exist, and what our purpose is). Although his work was considered groundbreaking, its impact was limited because it was somewhat difficult to understand and apply. More recently, I read an article by David Speakman[1] who simplifies Maslow’s pyramid into a basic progression: needs, wants, desires, and callings. “Needs” refer to the essential things required for survival. “Wants” include things that satisfy our emotional side (often resulting in pleasure) and are usually “in the moment.” “Desires” focus on things that are more logical and long-term – stuff that we think will make our lives better. Finally, if we are lucky, we will find our “Calling” – that which gives our lives purpose and meaning. With all due respect to Maslow, I think Mr. Speakman did a better job of codifying this progression.
How WANTS Evolve!
That said, I believe there are a couple of nuances to how we climb this pyramid that were left out of Speakman’s pyramid (Refer to my revised pyramid above). At the lowest level, we still have our basic needs. They usually do not require any conscious thought. We need to breathe, so we breathe. However, if a need is lacking, it can have a significant impact on how we perceive (and prioritize) our wants. For example, if we find ourselves in an environment devoid of love, we will focus on our NEED for love and make it a major target for our WANTS. Instead of simply needing love, we crave love. This results in a basic need being elevated to something I call a “focused want.”
In a perfect world, we’d naturally separate, identify, and focus on specific things that entice us over others that don’t. Our choices would become the basis for our own individual “WANT” profile (Simple wants). But when something in our basic NEED profile is missing (or out of balance), we tend to make it a focused want. Focused wants are not necessarily bad, but the degree to which they dominate our lives can be unhealthy. Simple wants usually evolve into DESIRES that begin to shape WHO we are and WHAT we want to become. In James 1: 14 (ESV), it says, “But each person is tempted when (they are) lured and enticed by (their) own desire.” A focused want is generally expressed as “I want what I want.” They form a key fork in the road because IF they evolve into DESIRES, that is generally good. But IF they evolve into OBSESSIONS, that is generally not healthy.
The Deceptiveness of Want
Never lose sight of the fact that: a need is necessary for your survival — a want is not, unless you make it so. For instance, you may want a car and go about acquiring it by working hard to get it. However, if your want turns into an obsession that pushes you relentlessly—blinding you to its effects on yourself and others—it may be time to reconsider your priorities. It has been said that we live in a world dominated by sin, and nothing will dominate us more than an out-of-control want. Unchecked, the pull of I want what I want can be driven by a need for power, sex, money, or almost anything. The point is, in its worst form, the attitude of I want what I want can result in enormous damage because the means by which you choose to fulfill your want no longer matters.
The Bible says that our misguided wants start in the heart. Jeremiah 17:9-10 (KJV) says, “9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? 10 I the Lord search the heart…” This is the “chink” in our armor as humans. We were not created evil, but Satan uses our hearts (emotions, wants) to confuse us, tempt us, and lead us into sin. When we give our hearts to Satan, our hearts are deceived, and they begin to control the motivation behind our wants. The degree to which that happens will make a huge difference in HOW your wants shape you. It doesn’t have to be that way – it is YOUR life and YOU do have a say. But when we let our motivation get out of control, bad things usually happen.
The problem is, it can all start so innocently. A passion may begin as a focused desire, a goal. However, if Satan can get a hold of us, he will take our desires and turn them into obsessions. The outcome is that What you want, now defines Who you are! In this way, Satan deceives us into believing that our wants are innocent, deserved, or even virtuous. Don’t be deceived! An innocent want can be the inflection point that changes the direction of your life!
Red Flag #1: Motivation Matters
Motivation matters because it reveals a great deal about WHO we are. If Satan can get us to obsess over something to the point where we throw out all our filters and focus only on what we want, he’s won! The tools he uses are subtle, but deadly. Acquiring money is not, by itself, a bad thing, but when the love of money turns into greed, it will eat you alive, and no amount will be enough. The same goes for sex. When pursued in a loving and committed relationship, sex is a beautiful thing. Yet, when driven by the motivation of lust, it depreciates rapidly – to the point of becoming ugly, dirty, and degrading. The same is true for anything we become addicted to – the thrill never lasts, yet the appetite never wanes – just like a drug addiction. When our motivation is driven by greed, lust, or an addiction to what we want, the impact on us (and others) is never good.
When we examine the phrase, “I want what I want,” the first “I want” sets a target for your desire. The second “I want” determines its importance (or the motivation behind it). Sometimes, the motivation is simply an infatuation or curiosity. Sometimes it is an emotional or biological need. However, when a want becomes an obsession, red flags should be going off to warn us to “proceed with caution.” If our motivations are “pure,” we may be able to keep our wants in check—but the challenge is difficult and usually requires a solid moral foundation and a lot of prayer. This is where integrity, values, discipline, and focus can make a huge difference! When our wants are motivated by an obsession, we need to be hyper-sensitive when they start interfering with our value systems, adversely affecting our relationships, and preventing us from seeing a balanced perspective on life.
Red Flag #2: Consequences Matter!
How can you tell when you’ve “stepped over the line?” I have written in previous blogs about “a still small voice” (often referred to as a conscience) that acts as a “regulator” of how we behave. If all else fails, that voice reminds us of the consequences of our actions. IF there is still hope for us, this reminder will regulate our behavior and shape our choices, affecting HOW we climb the pyramid. I believe that both Maslow and Speakman overlooked the fact that the presence or absence of this regulator will significantly impact the outcome of WHO we become. How does this work? There are only two generally accepted sources of consequences in this world:
- Consequences established by and imposed by society.
- Consequences established by and imposed by God.
You may not believe in (nor fear) God, but humanity learned long ago that laws are necessary to keep civilization civil and enable us to live together peacefully. When someone chooses to ignore the laws of society, there should be (or will be) consequences. And when someone makes the conscious choice to ignore them, I believe they’ve decided that the WHAT they WANT is more important than the WHO they WANT to become! Thus,
When the consequences don’t matter, neither does the WHO – the only thing we see is the WHAT!
The Final Nail Sealing our Fate
When the simple act of deciding I WANT WHAT I WANT changes a basic desire into an obsession, it’s very possible that the devil’s got us by the tail! Instead of focusing our efforts on things that will improve our lives (and the lives of others), we become obsessed with things that have no lasting value and often come at the expense of others. The result is: We change what goes on at the top of our pyramid. Instead of discovering our Calling (something that gives our lives meaning and purpose – an OUTWARD focus), we exchange it for a Self-indulgent Obsession (something that is totally focused on you – an INWARD focus)! All because of a want that got out of control!
Why Reset Your Focus?
Over 2,500 years ago, there was a king who discovered this truth and wrote about it. His name was King Solomon, the king of Israel. He lived in a time when Israel was a significant power in the world, and he was considered the richest, most powerful, and wisest ruler who ever lived. As the Bible tells us, when Solomon was made king, he was a young child, so he asked God for the wisdom to rule his people. God answered him by saying, “ I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. 13 Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both wealth and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings.” 1 Kings 3:12-13 NIV For years, King Solomon experienced many blessings from the Lord. He focused much of his life on outwardly focused, good deeds. But ultimately, he became obsessed with what his wisdom and power brought him. He had >700 wives and 300 concubines. Collectively, they led him to abandon the God of his people to worship all sorts of foreign gods. Ultimately, his obsession with the excesses of wealth, power, and sex caused him to write the book of Ecclesiastes, where he declared life to be “meaningless” because “it all leads to nothing.” In Ecclesiastes 1:14, (NIV) he wrote, “ I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” He expanded by writing:
“10 Anything I saw and wanted, I got for myself; I did not miss any pleasure I desired. I was pleased with everything I did, and this pleasure was the reward for all my hard work. 11 But then I looked at what I had done, and I thought about all the hard work. Suddenly, I realized it was useless, like chasing the wind. There is nothing to gain from anything we do here on earth.” Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 NCV
“18 I hated all the things I had worked for here on earth, because I must leave them to someone who will live after me. 19 Someone else will control everything for which I worked so hard here on earth, and I don’t know if he will be wise or foolish. This is also useless.” Ecclesiastes 2:18-19 NCV
Some have questioned why such a book would be included in the Bible – it’s so negative! Yet, I believe God wanted it included because it illustrates the point of my blog – when our focus is on ourselves (INWARD), life becomes meaningless. The 15th-century philosopher, Francis Bacon, got it right when he said, “Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received – only that which you have given…” You may have read similar quotes. And perhaps you’ve also read how many of the “rich and famous” confess, when lying on their deathbeds, that they wish they had spent more time with their families or done more to “make the world a better place.”
Let’s face it. The Bible has taught it, and the world has confirmed that only an OUTWARD focus in life brings true happiness. But let’s go one step further. Our OUTWARD focus to help others (our calling) works best when it is directed by an UPWARD focus. Paul said, “…set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth.” Colossians 3:2 AMPC And Jesus said, “Don’t store treasures for yourselves here on earth where moths and rust will destroy them and thieves can break in and steal them. 20 But store your treasures in heaven where they cannot be destroyed by moths or rust and where thieves cannot break in and steal them. 21 Your heart will be where your treasure is.” Matthew 6:19-21 NCV
So, if your answer at the beginning of my blog was that it is the WHAT in life that is most important, I’d ask, “Is that your final answer?” Haven’t you sacrificed enough of yourself already? Consider these wise words:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,” Hebrews 12:1 NIV
May the good Lord bless you as you run the race He has marked out for the YOU He wants you to be!
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